Back In The Real World

Day 48:

Back where I belong, order feels restored again now as I wake up on a morning and instantly my brother is there joking about with me. I’ve proper missed my big brother because he is genuinely one of my best friends,  I tell him everything; even more so to what I probaly tell my friends.

Last night Jessie, Penurs, Elliott, Nay, Lizzie and Jake all came round mine and we had a few drinks and a laugh. It was different to how it used to be where we would sit around getting stoned, but seeing my mates was the point of concern. 

I even found myself funny that I don’t seem to call drugs by their name anymore. When I referred to Mcat I called it “Sniffy-Sniffy” and when i referred to Weed I called it “Smokey-Smokey”. Im suddenly like a misinformed child with what I know about drugs.

Im worried and I feel quite bad that I think some friendships are going to suffer; because some are based purely on drug use and nothing else. All other previous conversations are built around that and so now, they’re may be little common ground. Obviously im not going to cut them off without trying, but I need to think about my own wellbeing and choices.  

Day 46:

Just currently sat on my bed, my big bag packed, and writing this before i put my laptop into my hand luggage…

Going for a all you can eat chinese with Dad, Adi and Nicola before I set off to the airport. It’s still a number of hours to my flight so im acting like its just any other day at the moment.

Not much to say, other than im looking forward to integrating back into my circle of friends and back into hanging out with people my age; not 50 year old men (although theyre all pretty awesome characters).

See you on the other side…

Day 45:

The day was the usual, reading, sitting around doing nothing.
When it hit 3pm all i thought is “today is nearly over, tomorrow i go home”

I had a proper cute moment to myself last night, I sat having a cig on my balcony; and i pictured walking through the airport, seeing my Mum and hugging her. I felt so giddy, excited, proper couldnt believe I was going home. I still can’t!

Tonight we went out for a drink. Melvin, Tim, Vinnie and his Dad all came to see me and say goodbye. The way my Dad put it was “he’s like one of the lads now”; and that’s how I feel. Im actually sad to leave because I have built up such bonds with all these guys. Tim took a photo of me and said he will save it “codename: big arse” because of what went on in  Jerez. I also promised to come back again next year. No dissrespect, but not because of my Dad, but because of all his friends and the way I now even consider them my friends.

Vinnie has a bet on with my Dad, that I will stay off weed when im home, my Dad has bet against me… Kind of hurts the lack of faith he has in me to bet against me, but I like the fact Vinnie has backed me to do it, as I do believe I can do it.

Tomorrow will be long no doubt, flying at half8 at night. It feels like christmas I tell you.

Im probaly gonna keep this diary up when im home, as it is still the plight of a boy trying to keep off drugs, not easy in modern day England for a teenage tearaway.

Night 41 to Day 43 in Jerez.

Just got back from my Dad and his mates golf trip to Jereze, I actually had such a good laugh.   Due to the age old rule of “what goes on tour, stays on tour” I’m not at full liberty to publicly write what I got up to whilst there. But a fair amount of money was spent on me hahahaha.

Being with a group of men, where money isn’t an issue to any of them was definitely an experience, five star hotel, drinks on tap, the kind of bars visited I haven’t before. 
I was Tim’s caddy at golf on Friday at Montecastillo and even spending 5 hours watching golf wasn’t boring (strange); plus i got to drive the golf buggy all day which is actually really fun.
I also got a  cap from the golf shop for ten euro’s. It’s actually a proper nice red snapback, they probaly wasnt aware of the reasons i liked it, must have thought I liked the golf club that much to buy (get bought) a souvenir.

Today was meant to be gold at Sherry, but the rain has been bouncing it down since half8 this morning, so the trip was cut short with everyone heading back to this neck of the woods late this morning.

Im home now, I may have slept for 1-2 hours last night and i’m slightly hungover.
I was hoping to come back to facebook and thought maybe Nay, Jessie, Penurs and Elliott have all messaged me, surely with me coming home soon; all my best friends would finally reply to the various messages, posts and comments i leave them? Just Elliott; which was really nice of him.

Im sure they care, infact I know they do. They just really dont know how to show it.

Day 41:

It’s only mid-afternoon, I havent done much (for a change lololol). Watched my Dad hit some balls on the driving range, sat at the shop and fell asleep in the most awkward of positions; thus my neck is hurting.


Me, My Dad, Melvin, Tim & Brian are going upto Jerez tonight rather than tomorrow morning and the rest are going up tomorrow (13 in total). Means an extra night of drinking is in store tonight (I hope). Will be nice to be away for a couplar days to help burn down the time to going home. Also, I reckon it will be good for my Dad to be away from Adi and work. I reckon that Im the catalyst of arguments with his girlfriend abit because me being here means he’s spending more time with me than her, or im always third wheeling if they go other places.

Got my flourescent green golf shirt that my Dad bought me all the way back on Day 2 so i would blend in at Atalaya golf course.

I realised today that I have barely worn a cap in the last 6 weeks, I guess its because ive been mixing with older people, but now whenever i try one on… I feel they look stupid on me :/ Kinda a wound when you have like 20 caps.

I wish my close mates would make a slight more effort, even just posting on my facebook wall would keep me happy, just to be acknowledged. I feel like I have to post to them plenty in order to get noticed. For them to post first to me, and just see how i’m doing would make me feel so much better. I feel forgotten.

6 weeks clean tomorrow, 5 days ‘til home.
Can’t wait to see my Mum and my Brother.

Day 37:

If you wanna know what i’ve been upto, just stare at a wall.

Day 36:

I’d heard about the tale that apparently eating cheese before you go to sleep makes you have indifferent, memorable and interesting dreams. I can confirm this.
After eating alot of little blocks of cheese last night I had a series of dreams but only one stuck out in my mind today when I got up because it involved me meeting and hanging with Jose Mourinho. Completley random but it felt so real and Im actually gutted it didnt happen cos it felt like it did. He even had his broken English accent!

The day has gone fast (result), had the biggest english breakfast ever and alot of beer today so my gut feels huge (unresult).

I’ve re-discovered Lupe Fiasco’s Food & Liquor to the extent where its all ive had on for days, this was such a definitive album about 18 months ago when me and the boys were all addicted to mcat; it just takes me back to one of the darkest yet most memorable few months of my short life.

The only thought on my mind is “when I wake up tomorrow, it’s 9 days away”.

Also, Watching England win whilst in Spain? Priceless.

Day 35:

The day holds little of interest of value. To sum up the most activity i did, I walked a 50 minutes round trip just to get a packet of rizla haha.

Tonight however, A quiet one turned into quite a sesh, going from The Italian, to The Gastro where Adi forced me to dance, but i enjoyed being out of my comfort zone and not giving a fuck. To finishing at The Gig. By this time my Dad was hammered, and thus started with his usual spiel of giving Adi (his girlfriend) shit for nothing, and then once again accusing us of going off with each other. Once again earlier in Gastro, a guy called Phillip asked if Adi was my girlfriend haha.

Anyways, My Dad carried on being a cunt, he was in no state to drive but wouldnt let anyone else drive, so Adi started walking home. Eventually I got to drive (Proper fucking sick driving a Volvo 4x4 for myself haha). But Adi, even when we caught up with still wouldnt get in, I feel bad when i leave her ‘cos shes sucha good mate to me.

Just got back, and my Dad is just shouting “FuckOff” to himself downstairs, so i go down. To which he says to me “You dont love me, Fuck Off”. You wouldnt believe it but ive heard it all before and so i had had enough, So i just went “You know what Dad, you fuck off”. Then came to my room.  Adi has just walked in, no doubt he will start; there’s a good chance I will have to go tell him to “Tranquilo” (Relax). I dont wanna have to fight him, but im happy to drop him when he’s been like this.